My heart.
I almost don't know where to start with this review. This series, and in particular this book, has torn apart every part of my heart and left it in pieces. I have experienced a maelstrom of emotions that I didn't even know that I could feel. My heart hurt, from sadness, from angst, from anger, and finally in a sense of peace knowing that sometimes the chains that bind us can be broken.
Yuri. Sweet holy hell. As much as I hated the things that he did in the last book, I also felt for him. What sorcery this author must possess in order for me to feel this way. I didn't understand how that could be considering he was so damaged and unfeeling. However, in this book, I realized that he wasn't unfeeling. He just had never been taught to feel. He was a product of his environment. Even though there are parts of this story that had been talked about, this book gave a totally new perspective of those events. His time with Crash... I am speechless. His time with Wolf and Whitney and seeing it from his point of view added a new dimension to the story. It was richer, it was more agonizing. it was just heartbreaking. I was expecting this to be more about the time with Whitney. but that was just a fraction of this story. It is the entirety of what brought Yuri to be where he is at the time that the last book ended. I didn't realize until reading it how much I needed this. I knew there was something to him that called to me in the last book it was nothing from seeing this raw and unbiased backstory. The author didn't sugarcoat anything. In fact, it almost made him more unredeemable, yet this author wove magic and my heart even more at the travesty that not only the victims felt but also for Yuri.
This is not a sugar and spice and everything nice type of story. It was gritty and raw. However, it was a reminder of so many things. Things that need to be treasured, that destiny and connections come in many forms, and that redemption is something that can be obtained. Even though Yuri did the things that he did, I still felt for him. Not in a "Stockholm" reader sort of way but rather I felt for the boy that was lost, that mimicked what he saw because he didn't know better, for the boy and the man who had never known love, and finally for the man that did anything to protect those that had shown him, after a cost, of what it truly meant to do good.
As I mentioned, this is not a sweet book. Yet, the lessons that came from this are plentiful. There is beauty in this heartbreaking story. I am not sure how many times I can say that this author is extraordinary. If there was any doubt before then after this book there is no doubt that she is one of the best out there for a reason. She ripped me into a thousand pieces and then stitched me back together by giving me this story that will forever change the template of who I am. She cleansed my soul in volatile waters and gave me a sense of awareness and peace I wasn't even sure I needed. I will forever be watchful now of the stranger next to me and see if or how I can help.